How to Keep Your Marriage While Chasing Podcasting Dreams

Today, on episode number 991 of the school of Podcasting, we're stepping away from the gear talk to tackle the silent killer of many creative dreams. What happens when your passion for podcasting clashes with your health and your relationships? Hit it, ladies.The School of Podcasting with Dave Jackson. Podcasting since 2005, I am your award winning hall of fame podcast podcast coach, Dave Jackson. Thanking you so much for tuning in.This is where I help you plan, launch, grow and monetize your podcast. My website is skoogle podcasting.com you can use the coupon code listener when you sign up for either a monthly, quarterly, or yearly subscription.And today, yeah, we are stepping away from my typical kind of stuff. And at first I was kind of like, huh, I'm not sure if I should go here or not.But the more I talked to people and I saw some things online of people I know that were married and now they're not. That I was like, yeah, we need to talk about this. Now. First of all, I'm going to call out the obvious because we're talking about relationships now.Yes, if you're single, the first part of this is still very important. But also realize this could be you and your partner. It could also be you and your children. In some cases, relationships are relationships.But there's a thing I call the three legged stool for content creators. And I've talked about this in the past, but there are three things you need.And again, this has nothing to do with downloads and microphones and wireless lights and, you know, YouTube. No. The first thing is you need your health. And I know that's kind of a duh, but if you can't physically get behind the microphone, that's a problem.The second one is your attitude. If you don't want to get behind the microphone. Yeah, that's going to come across in the recording.I used to listened to a company's podcast and it was so obvious that the host, she sounded like she was a hostage reading a note. It was just like, welcome to the show. I'm your host, Margaret. Whatever. And today we're going to talk about.She just, it was so obvious that she did not want to be there. So your health, your attitude, and the third leg, your support. So we all need the support of our families and our loved ones.And if you think about it, here's one case, right? You lack the support. Well, when you go into the studio, you hear, are you going back in there again? All you do is podcast.Well, trust me, that's going to erode your attitude if you love that person because you don't want that person mad at you. But, you know. So case number two, maybe the support again is lacking. So you just, you decide to spend time with your family, which is good, right?But you decide, I'm going to stay up late and record when they go to bed. Well, okay, now you're too tired. That's. That's not a good decision. Sleep is super important.And even if the adrenaline of recording keeps you up, I've been there. A lack of sleep will lead to a weakened body, which can lead to health issues.And now we're back to you can't physically get behind the mic, so that's not going to work. Maybe case number three is your health again is fading, probably due to a lack of sleep, because I'll sleep when I'm dead, man. Ugh, I hate that.Well, you're exhausted. So again, your attitude is horrible. Or if your attitude is lacking, well, then you have the time and you have the ability, but your passion is gone.You need all three. It's kind of, I always say it's like a stool. And if you have a three legged stool and you take away one leg, it's going to fall down.Now, is it possible? Yes. Is it possible long term? Probably not. Makes. Podcasting, makes. Look, it's simple, but it's not always easy.So today we're going to talk about relationships.And if you're going to take marriage advice, you should pick one or maybe both of these people either want to talk to the person that married their childhood sweetheart and they've been married almost 50 years, or you could talk to a guy like me that's been divorced twice. My first marriage lasted. I was with her for 15 years.We unfortunately spent ourselves into bankruptcy trying to have a kid and she became an alcoholic, unfortunately. And yeah, one thing led to another, a little infidelity in there. And that was enough of that. And I'm still friends with her.We used to get together because in the divorce I got one dog and she got the other. So we would get together so we could see each other's dogs. And I'm happy to say she's now sober and living a good life. So kudos.My second one, my second marriage, and this sounds so stupid, but we married the wrong people. It was a long distance relationship and it's really easy to get along with someone that you only see on the weekends.And I remember when we got engaged, I was like, this is going to be a long engagement. And then it turned out not to be. And I was like, we should probably date like normal people so we can really get to, you know, spend time.And we didn't. And yeah, so here are some things. So I, I've spent literally six or seven years in marriage counseling.So this is where this is coming from along with my own experience. Now, if you're not married again, some of this works with children or friends and things like that.But number one, set your expectations with your, your spouse. One of the things that actually, for my second marriage, worked for a while is we sat down and we had a discussion.And by that I mean an actual dialogue. And she said, look, how much time do you need to do this?And I said, well, what about Tuesday after dinner, Thursday after dinner and Saturday before lunch? And I winced and waited for her to scream. And she went, okay. And I was like, okay, yeah, okay, I can do that. So we set expectations.And that worked for quite a while. That way, you know, we'll talk about some things you can do around that, but, you know, set expectations.Now what I also did was I maximized the time away from my family because I know I had Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday, Saturday. So what I did was I would do research on my phone, at the line in the grocery store, at the line, at the drive through at McDonald's or whatever.And I was like, oh, this is going to take forever. Hold on, pop out that little pocket, you know, computer in your phone. And I use a thing called Now I use Note Joy, it's a note taking app.There are plenty of these things. I used to use Evernote, but they tripled their price. So enough of that. So I really like no Joy, but you can use whatever you want.And I could do research in the car by listening to audiobooks. I could. And I can listen at a faster speed on that. I did research on my lunch hour.And by doing this activity away from my family, it meant that it didn't take time away from my family, where if I didn't do it during the day, I'd want to do it while I was at home with my family. So take advantage of that time when you're just bored.And this is the thing, you're like, well, yeah, but I'm only going to get to research for, I don't know, five minutes. Five minutes more with your family. Pennies make dollars.And a lot of times you may find out because you're really focused, you only need five minutes. And then on those days that I would record, I was ready to record why? Because I had my notes in Note Joy. I've said this before.There are times when I'm like, I'm not sure what I'm going to talk about this week. And I'll go into Note Joy because when I have, you know, when brilliant strikes, I'm like, ooh, I'm going to have to write that down.Because I've learned that if I don't write it down, I lose it. And then I'll go back later and go, oh, I totally forgot about this idea.So I've got my ideas, I've done my research, and when I come in and I'm ready to record, I'm ready to record. And I also use an app called Todoist. I need to do this one a little more.It's weird when, like, the first thing on your to do list is look at your to do list. Because sometimes I don't. And then I get. I lose my priority. So that's another one, Todoist.And I like all of those Todoist and notejoy, because they work on everything. Computer, app, notebook, whatever. It's always there. But that way, when it came time to record, I came in, I hit record, and I was rolling.I knew exactly what I was working on. I knew where my research and my thoughts were. I just needed to get them out of my head and into the software.So that made me very efficient and I could do a ton of during that time. The other thing is, you have to identify those things that just suck your time for no apparent reason.And so for me, the ones that I'm like, oh, curses you. No good YouTube short or Facebook shorts. Both those things, when I click on them, there's a part of.There's that voice in my head that goes, are you sure you want to click on that? Because for me, short videos are a lot like lay's potato chips, where you can't just do one.And I'll be sitting there going through another video like, oh, that was boring. That was dumb. Oh, that was AI. That was boring. That was dumb. Well, that was AI. That was boring. That was boring. That was. Okay, stop.There's only 24 hours in a day. And so what I do now is when I realize I'm going, that was boring. That was dumb. That's fake. I.When I realized that, I'm like, okay, now start counting videos. And I'll be like, that was boring. That was dumb. And at that point, I'm out because I'm wasting my time.I'm like, you get two swings and if the next two videos don't, and then it's like, okay, but what if one of them was. I'm like, okay, that was good. That was boring. Okay, now if the next one's boring, you're done. Because I will waste endless amounts of that.You wake up, you look up, you're like, wait, it's 3:30 in the morning. Why am I watching California jam from 77 with Ted Nugent? What? So that's. I've identified my time sucks.And you know, YouTube, Netflix, at times, turn that stuff off because if it's out of sight, it's out of mind. Keep that in mind. So what I thought I would share is some general relationship advice. And again, some of this works for every relationship.The first one I'm going to say is, and man, do I know. This is why. This is the first one I'm giving you. Never argue standing up, never sit down. Because number one, I.Now there was good news and bad news to this one. I once dodged an ashtray whizzing at my head at a very high velocity that ended up lodging into the wall behind me. Now that's the bad news.The good news is I learned how to spackle and fix holes in a wall. But I think had we been sitting down to where they couldn't walk over and grab an ashtray and wizarded my head.When you sit down, you're not in each other's face and you can try to keep things somewhat civil. So that would be my first advice. Don't argue standing up. And if you are standing up, go, hey, grab the person by the hand and go.Let's sit down and talk about this. The first thing you have to realize, and you've probably figured this out, your spouse or your son or daughter or friend is not perfect.I know you figured that out, but it's true. And really love is knowing someone's faults, man, accepting and loving them anyway. Now we're going to try to change them.But just keep that in mind that I think in some cases we're upset because they're not perfect. And I'm here to remind you, in case you forgot, they're not perfect. And then this one I think is really important.Pick your battles and your battle zones.So the thing that used to drive me nuts before bringing something up, you know, you're going to kind of, we'll call them discussions, take inventory of you. So first things first. Are you tired? Maybe you did the thing. I'll sleep when I'm Dead. Okay, great. But are you really tired?Because maybe this isn't such a big deal. It's just that you're tired. Can you let this slide off your back? Learn to pick your battles.Doesn't mean you're going to turn yourself into a, you know, a mat that people just walk all over. But think about it, and then if it's something that needs to be brought up, do not do it at bedtime. This used to drive me nuts. Why?Because it's bedtime and I'm tired. I have one knee in the bed, and you're like, hey, I need to talk about something. I'm like, what? Because when my pillow hits the bed, it slides out.You know, there are two things I do in that thing in the bed. And if, you know, in this case, I'm probably like, I got one eye shut already. And. And you're like, oh, by the way, I want to talk about something.So don't do that. Don't do it when they're in a hurry to get to work. That's not a good time.Don't do it when they're walking in the door right after work because they want to relax. The boss is a jerk. Not a good time. So maybe, you know, think about this.Maybe it's, hey, do it after dinner, but before you get involved with whatever you're going to be doing that evening for your activity, pick your. Your battles and pick your time.Because it might have been not such a big deal had you not been doing it while they're like, have you seen my briefcase in the morning? You might even ask them, hey, is this a good time to talk about something? Because as a teacher myself, the one thing I want is a willing student.And this identifies if it's a good time. Because if it's not a good time, then it's not a good time. Keep that in mind.Pick your battles, Pick your battle zones, and make sure you're doing the right, right thing. I've shared this before. I used to buy my wife a dozen yellow roses every Tuesday. They were her favorite flowers. And I did this for a while.And she kind of said, look, you know, if you want to play hot dogs and donuts because there might be kids in the car, you know, you would probably, you know. Yeah. If you cook dinner or ran the vacuum cleaner every now and then, it would score more points than the flowers.Not that I don't appreciate the flowers, but if you're looking for points, you know, running the vacuum would have scored a lot more points. And then it's off to hot dogs and donuts. So we'll talk about hot dogs and donuts in the future as we go along.And if you're like, what is he talking the thing? Hot dogs, donuts. See? The one goes. See? Ah. Okay, got it. All right, thank you for catching up. Try not to use you statements.So instead of saying you keep walking over everything I say, try something like, I feel unheard when you talk over me. And a non you statement is like, I feel you're an idiot. No, that's not what I mean. But when you explain how you feel in theory, that helps.I love this book. The seven Habits of Highly Effective People. Habit number five is my favorite.You know, if you have to pick a favorite, this is the one I use the most. And I think it's also the most valuable. Maybe, but it's valuable. And that is habit number five. Seeking first to understand, then be understood.And so when you're having a discussion, do your best.As much as you are locked and loaded and you are ready to just spew your amazing information in your head, put it on the back burner, and just focus on understanding the other person's point of view. And when you do that, then your response can be based on the part that you now know and it would probably be even better.And then in fact, if you really want to score points, repeat to them the point they just made. Why? Because it makes them feel heard, which can de. Escalate the situation and then let them know your point of view.Because the whole bottom line is it's hard because arguments are emotional. They are. It's a very emotional thing at times. And we'll talk about this as we go along.But the more you can understand and they understand you, the less likely it's going to escalate. Here's another one. Speaking about hot dogs and donuts, don't use, in the immortal words of Pat Benatar, don't use sex as a weapon.And Chris Rock said it best. Let's see, how can I say this? With kids in the car, it's hard to stay mad at someone who just rang your bell. We'll put it that way.So ladies, if your man is going to put the. That time, you know, the little. Yeah, the, the special time that you spend with your special person.Yeah, if they suggest putting it on a calendar, I realize. And it's sad that, you know, it's the most unromantic thing because I just want you to come home and take me in your Arms.And I will look at you lovingly in the eyes and say, let's go play hot dogs and donuts. And that's not. They're like, how about Thursday at 7:30 after the game? Right? That is not romantic.But if you think about it all day Thursday, you're both thinking about it. 7:30. I know what's happening at Thursday. It could lead to anticipation. Granted, I acknowledge not romantic, but it's also better than nothing at all.And nothing at all builds resentment and all sorts of bad things. So don't use that as a weapon, because I'm pretty sure the more you do it, the more you might like each other. Just a thought. Keep that in mind.But one of the things that might lead to hot dogs and donuts is date nights. And so if someone is saying you spend too much time on your podcast, it's time to start scheduling date nights. We'll talk about that a little later.Have nights where you, your spouse, your partner get together, just the two of you. If you go out for dinner, you really want to put your date on steroids. Like, you really want to score some major points. Leave the phones in the car.I was amazed at how well this worked. And the thing is, I know you might be going, but, you know, the children might need us.What happened in 1977 if, you know, the children needed you when there were no cell phones, somehow everyone survived, you know? Now, obviously, if your dad's on his deathbed, okay, maybe.But in most cases, it's not really, you know, life and death, but by putting the phone in the car, it shows your partner, your spouse, that you want to be with them. Just them, no distractions. You have my undivided attention because you're my special person. Now another one. And this sounds weird.If you're having a discussion that's going pretty bad, remind them that even though right now I don't like you very much, I do still love you. And you're like, what? Yeah. When? And I've done this. It's weird.And you go, look, right now, I am so not happy with you, but I love you, and we'll work this out together. What it is, it's. It's kind of a.Just reminding everyone that, yeah, this looks bad and we're both angry and we're both upset, but we're going to work through it.And so that's just something sometimes it's kind of a statement that remind your partner that we're still a team, and it can pull some of the emotions out of the discussion. Ladies, if you want your man to do something, treat him like a dog. Treat them like the dog they are. You ain't nothing but a house. Yeah. When someone.And I guess this works for ladies as well. When somebody does something you like, be sure to point it out and thank them. Sounds stupid, but it's true. But a lot of times, right.What's one of the things in relationships I feel taken for granted? Why? Because you didn't say thank you enough? Thanks for taking out the trash. Hey, thanks for picking up at the. Picking up the milk.On the way home, they do something nice for you, thank them. Everybody likes to feel appreciated. And then another one for those of you that remember Mary Poppins, A spoonful of chaga. Yeah.When you're giving someone a note, it helps if you can mix in a compliment. Because if you're like, hey, you know, you're the best and the sweetest, kindest person, but.Yeah, well, as soon as you say but now, in reality, you know that I know that you know that I know that there are other ways to say but, and you'll figure it out. So when you say something like, look, I love how you're just such a great and dedicated mom, which is why you might be interested to know that.And then you, you know, you're doing this, and it's driving everyone crazy. They will figure it out. Right. You know, I love that you're such a hard worker and you. You like to get things done as quickly as possible, which is.I was wondering, have you ever thought of trying this? Right, That's. That's a very polite but. But it's not quite, you know, just, hey, have you ever thought of this? Have you ever. Yeah.Also be the person, your partner, your spouse, your son, whoever your daughter wants to hang out with. Now, this does not apply for teenagers because we realize that by the time you turn 13, they just hate their parents. That's just normal.But I was watching this is many, many moons ago, there was a show called Learning to Live with Jillian Michaels, the. The fitness trainer. And it was kind of this reality TV show. And she was with her partner. Now Jillian's gay, so she's with her partner.And her partner through most of the show was like, we never spent any time together. Right. Always complaining. Now realize, number one, that could have just been the editing.Maybe they needed a story arc because it is reality tv and reality TV is non reality in most cases. But the thing that was interesting is Gillian then put her calendar down and found time for her spouse, or I think it was at the time, her fiance.And when they would spend time together, you know what the spouse would do? Complain. Yeah, we never spend any time. I'm spending time with you right now. But we never spent. I know, but, like, yeah, so it was.She was not being the spouse because Jillian, instead of going, you know what? I miss spending time with this woman. She's amazing, and she's great. And instead, Gillian's like, man, can I get out of here?So be the person that your spouse will miss hanging around with. There's a great book called Love and Respect. A little more about that in the future.But it was funny because a husband took his wife out hunting, and they climbed up in a deer stand and they sat there for hours and didn't say a thing. And at the end, they got down. The husband looks at the wife in the truck and says, that's one of the best times we've ever had. Why?Because she was doing exactly what her husband needed, which was to be quiet and look for deer. But it was a hang. It was a hang. He's hanging out with his buddy who just happened to be his wife. We'll talk about that, guys, here in a second.Because it sounds weird, like all we needed her to do was to be quiet. And that was perfect. But we'll get to that. In fact, let me bring this up now. The Crazy Cycle.Again, one of my favorite books that really gave me great insights. Now, for the record, this guy kind of comes at marriage from a biblical standpoint. So if you're not a fan of the Invisible Sky Buddy. You guessed it.Invisible Sky Buddy alert. Invisible Sky Buddy alert. Beware. Then maybe this book isn't for you. His name's Emerson Egrich, and he calls this thing the Crazy Cycle.Now, again, we're painting with a really wide brush here. So we're saying in general, and obviously there's always exceptions. Without love, a wife reacts negatively to. Towards her husband. So women need love.And that doesn't mean men don't need love. But their primary language, right, is love. Men without respect. A husband reacts negatively towards his wife.So let's say a husband isn't acting very affectionate. Well, what happens? The wife doesn't feel loved. So how does she feel? Well, probably disrespectful.Doesn't really say, thanks for taking out the trash or whatever. So she's not being really the most respectful person. Why? Because she doesn't feel loved. Well, great. Now the husband doesn't feel respected.So what's he do? Great.He pulls away and doesn't, you know, he's not doing loving things for his wife, who again, now feels even less loved and you guessed it, acts more disrespectful, etc. Etc. The crazy cycle. Now, this also works the other way. And, gentlemen, again, we're painting in very wide brushes.And I realize that not all relationships are like this, but I'm just saying, when a man makes his woman not just feel loved, but cherished, that's where leaving the phone in the car, that goes from love to cherished. You are my number one. Above everything. You are it that will make a female in this situation be like, oh, feel so loved. And I just love my hubby.And now they're going to be more respectful. And when the husband feels more respected, oh, I am. I'm the king of my castle. Even though I'm really not.But that's right, she lets me think I'm the king of the castle. I will cherish this woman. And what do you want to do tonight, honey? You get to pick the movie, right? It works the other way.They call that the crazy cycle. The book is called Love and Respect, and we will have links to that book out@schoolofpodcasting.com 991 because today is episode 991.Now, one of the things that is a great strategy, but it is so hard to do because a lot of people do it wrong is to call a timeout. And the reason this is so hard is it is a very logical thing to do. But the problem is arguments are typically very emotionally charged. I am very.When God was handing out servings of logic, I went back for seconds. I am not. Although I've been accused. I can be very romantic, but I've been accused of being a robot that I'm just.My first wife said I should have been a lawyer because I love to argue. I just. I really, really need one plus one equals two. And if you go, yeah, but it feels like three, because that's how you feel. That.That really does not compute in my book. Again, you got to know your weaknesses. But calling a timeout, this is where you're seeing your discussion escalating. What do you mean, escalating?Meaning you're talking louder and she's talking and now you're interrupting each other. And if for me, if I start to get sarcastic in an argument, oh, it's about to blow, kids. So that's when you start to see the warning signs.If you can do it this is. You want to say, look, you know, we're both yelling at each other. We need to calm down a bit. I think what we should do is take a time out.Now, what this means is you both say, yeah, you know what? You're right. We're not getting anywhere. Let's take a timeout. I'm going to go think about your side, and you're going to think about my side.That's what you're supposed to do. Now, in reality, what happens is you go back and try to rearm. Like, you think about your side and how you could have said it better. No, no, no.Go back and think about their side, and they're supposed to do that, and then you agree to come back together, because otherwise a timeout is. You're both screaming, no, you're an idiot. No. Da, da, da, da. All right, time out. And then somebody runs out of the room. No, that's controlling.That's manipulative. That's controlling the conversation. This is where you both agree, hey, let's take a timeout.We will meet back here in 15 minutes, 30 minutes, and let's try this again. So I don't know if I ever. We tried that a couple times, but it usually just amounted to running out of the room.And I don't want to talk about this anymore. That is not a timeout. It's a great strategy if you can get it to work. The problem is it's a very logical thing to do at a very emotional time.So put that in the back burner, think about it, and see if you can pull it off. And then the best time to talk about timeout is when you're not arguing. Like, the next time you're having a great time, say, hey, you know what?I love the fact that we never argue, but if we ever do, I want to try this because I don't want to ever have things rip our relationship apart. So let's do this in the event we ever get in an argument. So some other things I'm painting here with a very wide brush.But the reason stereotypes are sometimes stereotypes is because they're kind of true. So again, guys, ladies want to not just feel loved, but cherished. So when you put them over something else, it's. It's game on. There you go.You're scoring. Ports. Ladies, again, men want to feel respected, so thank them for everything they do. Everything. It's. It definitely helps. Here's another one.Ladies, men. And it's a bummer that we're not. It really Is we are not very good at reading your mind. It would be great if we were. I know. I really did.You know, I was, like, getting ready to go read books by the Amazing Kreskin. Yes, that. Wow. How does that date me? But anyway, and I know you're like, yeah, but you're my soul mate. You should know what you want to do.Like, you should be able to. Yeah, that works great in romance novels, but this isn't a romance novel. It's reality. And here's the thing. We love you. We love you.And if you would just ask us, there's a really good chance we would do it, because we like to. To do. We like to complete missions, and we like to fix stuff. So if you would just tell us, we would do it. But I'm sorry, I can't read your mind.That's true. At least it is in my book. Men, you know, we love to fix stuff. Man, do we? Look at this. I got me a new hammer. Ooh. Give me something to nail. Right?So sometimes, and by that I mean almost all the time, women maybe just want you to listen. You don't have to chime in on what they should do. Well, if that was my boss, I would do the. No. Nope. Didn't ask for your opinion.They just want you to listen. And by that, I mean nodding. Huh? Oh, really? Wow. You are actively listening, but you're not saying a thing. Just listen.Then after they're done, you might. You might. But chances are you don't need to do this.But if you're going to do anything because you got to say something, then you might say, do you need, like, do you want any ideas on how to, you know, what might help here? I don't know. And if they say no, then they don't. And that's weird because you want to fix it. I want to fix it. Oh, my God, I want to fix it.But, no, they haven't asked. Just realize they just needed you to listen. And I know this makes no sense, but that's really, really helpful in the land of females. I know. It's.I'm just here to tell you. And I. I, you know, I'm a good listener. That's.There are times when I've been able to do that, and I've had people say, wow, you're such a good listener. Well, it takes a while, but you can figure this out. Again, guys are typically more logical. And here's the thing. Your facts affect your feelings.If I put my hand on the stove and it's hot and it burns me. That's a fact. And it affects my feelings. I feel the stove is hot, and so consequently my feelings affect my actions.So I'm not going to put my hand on the stove because I feel it might be hot. Why? Because I put my hand on the stove and it got burned. So your facts affect your feelings, and your feelings affect your actions.So keep this in mind. If you want somebody to do something, especially a dude, if they're really logical, you often need new facts to replace the old facts.So if you go, no, no, this stove has a warning light on it. When the stove is hot, it shows this little red circle. See, there's no red circle. So that stove isn't hot. You can put your hand there.Oh, new facts, new feelings, new actions. It's weird, but that's kind of how it works. Now, some other things here about trying to find things before they get bad.If your partner brings up spending too much time podcasting, this is a red flag. And I'm here to tell you it's not a small flag. You think it is, because this is the first time they brought it up. But this could be a big one.And it's time to say, hey, tonight after dinner, why don't we take a blanket, let's go to the park, and let's just talk. And the reason I say this is because your spouse, your partner, whatever you want to call it, knows you love podcasting. Why?Because you're in that room all the time. They just said so. And so they might feel awkward even bringing it up because they know that's your baby, right? Your podcast.You love it, you care about it, you talk about it all the time. Oh, is he going on about podcasting again? Please don't say podcasting with 20.I remember I was at a Christmas party and this guy came up and my ex wife was a nurse. And so it's nothing but doctors and nurses, and they're all talking in this medical language that I don't understand. And one guy came up.I'm standing next to my ex wife, and he goes, hey, are you the podcast guy? And she just looked at me, rolled her eyes, and said, I'll see you in 20 minutes. Because she knew. It's like, oh, you hit his button.So keep this in mind that they know you love podcasting. So the fact that they're even bringing it up. I remember when I had stepchildren, and I have amazing stepchildren, but if I.Or something where I was like, hey, maybe we should do this type of discipline. I had to really think hard about it because that was her baby.And so likewise, if somebody is bringing up a think, you're spending a little too much time. This is probably not the first time they thought it. That's. That's my thought. This may have been building up.And so now is the time to go, hey, set some time when we both want to talk about this and go talk about it. Keep that in mind. Because the longer that someone sits on something, whatever it is that they're not happy about, it's going to fester.And the larger those feelings get, and it builds into resentment in many cases. And even if you're good at pushing these down. Right. We talked about rolling things off your back.Well, there comes a time when you can only roll so much off your back, and you want to address these while they're little, because when they're big, it goes boom. And my best friend I've known since I was probably 11 has said, man, you are one of the most patient people I have ever met.And he goes, but I do know this. When you lose your patience, you better leave. He goes, because when you go boom, you go boom. And you go for the jugular.And I'm like, that is good to know. That is good feedback, because I don't want to go for people's jugular, but, man, when I've had enough. So.Whereas if you can address things when things are small, then it's not quite so much the explosion. The last one I want to talk about is don't be afraid of therapy. I grew up, I always thought, you know, I'm not going to go to some shrink, right?But we went to marriage counseling. And one time I was in again, marriage counseling for six years, and we were only married for, I think, seven.It was a case where part of that was being alone. You did your own separate therapy, and then you get together and do it together. And it can be expensive, but I'm here to tell you, check around.There are some times you can find a cheaper way to do it. But if you think therapy expensive, wait until you see the price tag of a divorce. Yeah.And if you work through your issues, you can actually come through on the the other side, just stronger. And my first marriage, because I was just devastated by the infidelity, when that came to light. I had no plus at the time.Again, she was an alcoholic. And I had been putting up with that for quite some time. And I was just like, look, we're done. Can you not see we're done and we're going bankrupt.And I remember standing in the kitchen and she said, are you sure you don't want to go to therapy? And I was all of, I don't know, 29, something like that. And I was like, no, I don't think I can rebuild anything here. And I didn't try it.And if somebody said, what's one of your regrets? I'm like, I kind of wonder sometimes what would have happened, because that's interesting.But nonetheless, if I had done that, then I wouldn't have met ex wife number two. I wouldn't have had the time to raise some kids. I always told my step kids, I'm not your dad. I'm your transitional coach.And they transitioned into life, and they're nurses, and one guy works for the Navy. So I love my step kids. I always told them, I divorced your mom. I didn't divorce you. And happily, if you can have friendly divorces, I've done that.But that's the things I've learned through my years.And they always start off with this, by the way, when you go into marriage counseling for the first time, they're going to have you think about how you met. Tell me about your first date. And the whole point of that is to remind you, as the one therapist said to my wolf, you didn't marry Hitler.And you know, he's actually a good guy. And you know what?She's actually not a witch, you know, and you go back and you try to rekindle and go back to the early days when you were in the Gaga stage, is what my mom used to call it. Oh, you're in the Gaga stage, where nobody can do anything wrong. So those are some things.If you are struggling with being a content creator as well as having a relationship, the sooner you.You bring that into the light and have discussions, when you have dialogues about them and you talk about it versus scream about it, you're going to be in a much better situation in just a second. I'm going to share a short clip about YouTube. And if you're thinking of getting into YouTube, you're going to want to know this. Yeah, yeah, yeah.The school of podcasting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I just started playing with Vidiq. I've heard enough people.Oh, if you really want to take your YouTube channel seriously, this has the tools to play with and use. So I've just started using it. I've got like a day and a half into it, and so far I really like it.And I went out to their YouTube channel and one of the instructors said this.

I think the four pillars of any video are the idea, the thumbnail, the title, and the first 30 seconds.I would recommend spending 75 to 80% of your time and effort on those aspects of a video to begin with, because that's where 100 people see your thumbnail and title. 5% actually watch the video, and then you lose another 30 or 40% in the first 30 seconds.So I think that's why you should really focus on those first points.

So when I say if you want to do a YouTube channel, and again, if you have the desire and the budget and you want to do it, by all means, you'd be silly not to do that. But he mentioned that 70 to 80% of the time creating a YouTube video is on the title, the thumbnail, Right. The hook, the first 30 seconds.When you do that, all those things need to be focused on, especially the thumbnail and the title. So that is going to be extra work, unless you're already doing that for your podcast, which many podcasters are not.So I just wanted to share that with you. And now. Yeah, yeah, yeah.If you know a podcaster that is really struggling with their relationships, could you do me a favor and share this with them?I realize we weren't talking bandwidth and downloads today, but I think this is one of those things that it's a side effect when you get a little too passionate about your show and you lose the focus on what's really important and the reality that divorce is really expensive. So keep that in mind. If you enjoyed this, could you let me know in one way or another? SchoolOfPodcasting.com contact will get you out to that.And I do appreciate you sharing this with anyone who might need it. The website again.SchoolOfPodcasting.com use the coupon code listener when you sign up and take advantage of that 30 day money back guarantee and enjoy the courses, the unlimited coaching and the amazing community@schoolofpodcasting.com I'm Dave Jackson. I help podcasters. It's what I do. Can't wait to see what we're going to do together. Until next week. Take care. God bless. Class is dismissed.